so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
