You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
