I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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