What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
