I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
