and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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