You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
