I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
