If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
