Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I am available for nakedness
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
