Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
