My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
