somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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