Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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