I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
