Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
