Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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