So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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