Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Is it penis luge time yet?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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