Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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