His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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