Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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