There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
