Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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