she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
