The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
