I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
