Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
