Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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