meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
