You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
