Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
