Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
