dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
