my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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