Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
