how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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