I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
