The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
