He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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