Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
