i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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