explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
