No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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