Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
