Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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