We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We are all done wearing pants today
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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