O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
