Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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