Who did Billy Mays play for?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
