Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i will never coherently bang her
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
