Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
