just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
