guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I lost the right to judge tonight
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
